1. I’ve realized that everyone has a sad story and there are so many fucking stories that I haven’t heard yet and so many that I’ll never hear and I think they are filling me up and spilling from my eyes.
2. I don’t know if I’m in love with a person or an idea. I don’t know if I am hot or cold or what is happening to my body or why I am shaking. I don’t know who I am or who I will be. I don’t know who he loves.
3. I don’t understand calculus I will never understand calculus I wish I had a brain for numbers but I only have a brain for Salinger and sad weird poetry with no punctuation and too many references to the ocean.
4. I want to sleep forever I’ve become the sort of dangerous sad that I said I’d never be.
5. I used to be a happy drunk, I used to tell people I loved them even when I didn’t. Now I just get philosophical and people pry themselves away from my words because I am ruining their night.
6. I just want to touch your ear. Fuck you, I just want to touch your ear and your skin smells like soap and god can I just touch your ear I hate you.
7. I am warm and I shouldn’t be. People love me and they shouldn’t do that. They should drive me out into the arctic and leave me there. I saw a documentary about polar bears and apparently they’ll eat anything that moves. Fine.
8. So many people have been in love and now they are dead. I have been in love I will be in love again or maybe I won’t but either way I will be dead eventually and all of the love that swells up in my chest will be dead with me. If I don’t explode before I die, where will it go?
I miss you very much today.