i just want to share an apartment with someone. have some cool plants. not be alone. have a lot of cool plants
Sometimes I think I shouldn’t let you come back. This has all gone on too long. It is so hard to love someone so inconstant, someone who is so often fading before my eyes. But I know I will always welcome your return. The way you crack open the sky to come home to me. It is all I can do to bathe in your brilliance. Beautiful, after all this time you still control my every move. I become such a monster when I miss you. Darling, it is always so dark when you’re gone.
When I remember him kissing my shoulders it comes in flashes:
splashes in a dark pool. Hopelessly uncool,
grainy footage, like a security camera, and I
legs spread, head spinning:
“someone please tell me you want me.
Tell me you love me.”
There are three and a half billion women alive
and I could die here,
sipping a beer, curled around barstools, wondering what they all do
to live better than me. They make living look so easy.
And now it is midnight and the pool tiles reflect light like mirrors.
I am asking him favors. My voice wavers and he
is trying to pull a hand through my tangled hair
but it’s hopeless. I won’t forget this.
that terrifying moment when everything is happily resolved but the book still has 200 pages left